the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

My Photo
Name:

like a dripping faucet

Monday, February 28, 2005

A decorating faux pas

Aww man, I realized that I never took the plastic wrapper off my lampshade in the guest bedroom... whatta tool!

It must've been from the years of my Mom telling me to "leave the plastic on so it will stay clean!" I guess that was the thing to do back in the 50's when plastic was a newfangled, high-tech thing, but seriously. . .

My parents had these horrible table lamps - God, I wish I had a picture of them. They were really tall with huge green glass ball bases, and the "stem" (I don't know much about lamp lingo - I mean the part that went up from the base that you screwed the bulb in) was a semi-baroque design fabricated in an antique gold plasticky material. Anyway, we had these things for I don't know, 15 years before I forced my mom to remove their protective wrappers. It's not like taking the plastic off helped them any - the best application of plastic in the case of those lamps would have been to wrap them in black trash bags and cart them to the dump. Now there's a protective plastic wrapper I'd support!

Of course, my parents were the "cover the sofa with plastic to keep it nice" types as well. Here's a pic of one such sofa. See how NICE it is? Wouldn't you want to protect that fantastic print so that future generations could enjoy it as much as you?? (Ignore the hideous prom dress - c'mon, it was 1984 - but note the PLASTIC COVERED LAMPSHADE!) As you can see, that poor couch is unprotected in the pic, as the dog made short work of the shipping plastic that my parents left on it.

I don't remember what happened to that couch - I went off to college and they tried to give it to me for my new apartment. Terrified, my roommate and I scrounged up 50 bucks in nickels and pennies for a used love seat (light brown withOUT gigantic orange flowers). The green globe lamps however - those were there until the very end. I don't know who ended up with them after the Heatershit diaspora, but God Bless them, whoever they are!

Always,
S

Friday, February 25, 2005

Important safety advisory

I was sitting here yesterday afternoon trying to figure out if Okashii looks like Steve Burns when JoeToe came up and started looking over my shoulder at my computer screen. He looked at Okashii's pic and said, "Oh, he's a good scientist - I can tell - he just looks like one." I gave him a look (not unlike the one I have up there in the collage) and asked what the hell he was talking about. "Just look at his clothes - I mean, that is a scientist." Uh, kayyyy. . . Then I totally fried his circuitry by telling him that Okashii's degree was English. (You could actually see the moment that all the neurons stopped firing) - poor JoeToe, so easily confused. Anyway, after asking me 10.5 billion questions about how an English major could possibly ever work in a research lab we continued to look at the pics on my computer. I pulled up one of Esther and some guy and JT said, "Ooh! Did he work in here too?" (Note that he said "HE". . . honestly, when you looked at that pic did you even notice there was a guy in the shot??) Then I opened a pic of MrWrong and he said, "Who is that cutie pie?" GODDAMN! Again, I ask - is that something a straight guy would say??

While all this was going on, he was trying to make a pot of espresso for Hellboy, who was taking an exam. JT said, "I'm going to have something special for him when he gets done with his test." (I was astonished that my brain did not explode right then and there!) I finally asked him why he was so enamored of Hellboy. His reply was not unlike a 10 year old girl's reply when asked about her teen idol crush: "He's so cool, and his mind is just awesome. I just love that guy!"

Later on, we were sitting around talking about our trip to some conference, and Hellboy was jokingly asking why some people got their own rooms and some didn't - "I want my own room too, goddammit!" JT said, "Oh no buddy - you get to sleep with me!"
Silence.
Dead fucking silence.

Disclaimer (a'la "not that there's anything wrong with that"): Gay or not gay - I don't really give a shit, all I'm saying is that his behavior is flat-out fucking hilarious.

So anyway. . .
Poopie brought a girl - an actual real girl - to the lab yesterday and was showing her around. Hmmm. Does this mean he's coming out of his asexual shell? If she is a potential gf, I can already see that his family isn't going to like her. Why? Well, she's brown. Hispanic, most likely. Poopie tried bringing a Hispanic girl home once before and his god-fearing, compassionate-Christian-republican family told him that he would have to break up with her because he was not allowed to date people of other races. Nice, huh?

And without further ado, your Friday links:

How did I find this?? And why??

This thing has been traveling 'round the internets a lot lately. They say that the letters are emailed out once the rapture comes, and the emailing is controlled by a "dead man switch"- ie if it's not reset, the emails go out. Okay, say the guy in charge gets a hellacious case of the runs - and he can't reset the switch. Everyone on the list will be getting ready for the revelation when all that happened was that the switchman was on the shitter. Sounds like a case for the six P's.

I just don't know, man.

Sorry, those are pretty lame, but that's all I've got today - not much time for surfin' this week.

Have a wonderful weekend,
S

Friday, February 18, 2005

Inamorata

How y'all doin'?

I'm trying out Firefox, the new browser that everyone's been shitting their pants over, and I gotta say that so far, it's no better than Explorer. Everyone said it was so fast, but it seems to take forever to open pages with a lot of content, and if the page has flash - you might as well go make a sandwich or something. . . It has all kinds of little additional stuff like tabbed bookmarks and RSS feeds, but that stuff just gets on my nerves. Maybe I'll suddenly see the light or something, but hey, it's free, right?

(I realize how boring this update is - but do realize that I could be telling you about learning cascading style sheet codes, so just shut up and keep reading.)

It's been a little while since I gave you a JoeToe and Hellboy - A Love Story update, hasn't it? Last week JoeToe came up to me with his chest jutted out like he had a ramrod somewhere uncomfortable, and I asked him what the shit was wrong. He said he noticed that Hellboy had a very upright stance and he was going to adopt that posture for himself. ("I just really like the way he looks when he's walking." - no shit, he actually said that.) I told him he looked like he was trying to show off his boobs. (I like that link, I'm going to have to try that out myself. . .) Annnnnd, that annual convergence of carnality and science that we call TGS is coming up, and guess who will be sharing a room?? Yep, Old JoeToe's hopes and dreams may soon be coming to fruition when he finds himself alone in Dallas with Hellboy. Bass taping for all, as I like to say!

Along those lines (I loooove the segue. . .) I've talked about this before and now here's the (soon-to-be) World Famous SHAMOS Joto Scale. In the RL version, there are little pictures of each and every one of you marking your level of masculinity (as perceived by SHAMOS) and it is updated weekly. Since it was going to be a real bitch putting all those little pics on the JPEG, here's the text version of the rankings:

Soduc: 0 (Seriously. . . you know her balls are bigger than yours.)
DxB: 1.1 (Maybe I'm biased. . .)
RW: 1.3 (There is Calgon in his bathroom. . . )
Cakes: 2.1 (Bought a Valentine's day card at Walmart at 6:50pm on 2/14/05.)
YHA: 3.2 (Loves velvet shoes, loves power tools more.)
Sunrise: 3.5 (Pink blouses? Oh, how disappointed we are in you!)
Hellboy: 3.7 ("Sometimes I wish I was gay. It'd be a lot more fun that way." - don't even ask me...)
Okashii: 4.0 (Admitting the chocolate thing was gay helped your score.)
Spigot: 4.8 (RIVERDANCE WOOL CAP!! RIVERDANCE WOOL CAP!!)
Poopie: 5.0 (so completely asexual we didn't know what to do. . . )
ManFriend: 7.0 (Always changing - he was the initial inspiration for the Joto Scale. . .)
LEP: 7.5 (My only feminine female friend!!)
MrWrong: 9.8 (Some might say wearing fishnet stockings is a good way to prove that you are all man. Those who say that would be. . . wrong.)
JoeToe: 10+ ("You know it, Big Boy!" - 'nuff said.)



Without further ado, heeeeere's your Friday links:

We're all old farts around here, so this little time waster should bring back some fond memories. (Well, maybe not fond memories. . . it may in fact dredge up some horrible recollections of adolescence that you thought you'd safely buried years ago alongside your Rick Sringfield t-shirt and your parachute pants. But hey, those are YOUR issues.)

And if the eighties isn't your thing, but you harbor a not-so-secret desire to resurrect that cultural highpoint of the 70's that was Disco, then this tutorial from Norway may be just what you need to get your dancefloor chops back. Things really get funky' about two thirds of the way through . . .

But, I have to warn you - don't dare attempt your boogey nights without this vital attire. For crying out loud, the last thing you want after a night of doin' the hustle is to be a victim of telepathic war!!

The truth is out there,
S

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Ne id faciamus

Sporadic updating this week - work's been keeping me spinning.

We played show and tell yesterday for the unversity provost, so early in the week we were running around like a bunch of idiots trying to get the place all ship-shape. We had everyone here working (it was like an anthill!) and every (and I mean EVERY) instrument running. The electric din from all that equipment was so loud I almost had to yell as I took him on a tour of the lab. It was pretty damned silly, but we had to try and make a good impression. What was really funny was that the day before the visit we learned that he was a member of the congregation at Poopie's church (Baptist). This bit of information sent all of us in a tizzy, what with most of us being atheistic, jack-booted, liberal, thugs. We scrambled about, removing all our "good luck" charms, which include a glowing plastic virgin Mary, Hindu statuary, an action-figure Moses, Tibetan prayer flags and of course, my beloved Bobble Head Jesus. RW and I even discussed whether we should remove our Spongebob paraphernalia, given the recent scandal. . .

(By the way, I had no idea that there was a second "r" in paraphernalia. Whaddaya know?)

In other news, someone I know is thinking about getting a boob job. Now, this gal already has a sizeable rack and I've heard tell that they look pretty good when they're free and untethered. She's going to look like a goddamned sex doll (NSFW) by the time it's over. But, her shallow slug boyfriend told her he'd like it if she did it, and since he offered to help pay for it she's seriously considering it. I didn't know what to say when she told me, but all I could think of was this (NSFW). Too bad you can't get self-esteem implants as easily as you can get titties.

Always,
S

Friday, February 11, 2005

Try not to step on any bones

JoeToe's man-crush just keeps getting stronger, but I think Hellboy is getting a little irritated by it all. Hellboy's trying to find a house to buy and JT kept begging him to take him with when he went to look at properties. Finally Hellboy said, "Look - it's going to look a little funny if two guys go look at a house together."

So this morning, I told JoeToe that I was going with Hellboy to look at a house this afternoon - he threw a little hissy-tantrum! Yep, gaped his mouth open, rolled his eyes, did that twink neckroll, and spat venomously: "What?! Why is it okay for you to go but not ME?" (derrrrr)

So in retaliation(?) he's telling Hellboy how he needs at least $25,000 for downpayment and closing costs, and how he won't possibly be able to buy anything... WTF? NRA and I are telling JT that he's fucked up (well, NRA didn't say that, but I did...) and he's saying, "How do you know? How do you know??" Goddamn, motherfucker - have you bought a house? 'Cause I have, and so has NRA... last time I checked you were still mooching off mommy and your Beard, excuse me, fiancee.

Seriously man, people are fucked up.


Here's some links for the weekend:

This one scared the hell out of me in a way that only washed-up-teen-actors-turned-evangelical-Christians can. Turn your sound up. (I think it was Okashii that saw this guy in an airport, or on the street or something, surrounded by middle aged women. Can't recall exactly, but that sounds about right.)

And speaking of scary Christians (is there any other kind??) Here's some great reviews of South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, and the Spongebob Squarepants Movie. Funny they didn't have a whole lot to say about Spongebob's obvious homosexuality or his promotion of the left-wing gay agenda:
Spongebob Fruity Pants

Still in need of more freaky Christian action? Now I can't tell if this is for real or not, but the fact that it's so damn long-winded makes me think it's not actually a joke.

And if you like Freaks minus the Christian, here's a little thing for you: Tammy


Have a great weekend,
S

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Averted gaze?

Ice cream, what? Hey leave me alone, I'm suffering from a stupoma.

I've got Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the brain. I've developed an unhealthy obsession with that show, and I'm convinced that I was Meatwad in a former life. (Hell, maybe I'm Meatwad in my current life...) I mean, just look at the remarkable physical similarity between me and this lovable ball of raw animal flesh:
Meatwad
Meatwad make the money see. Meatwad get the honeys G.


Yours,
S

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Rainbow Dippin Dots

Tin Roof.
Sweet cream with Snickers smashed in.
Pistachio almond.
Swiss chocolate with strawberries.
Tahitian vanilla.
Peppermint.
Vanilla with peaches smashed in.
Green tea.

You should always know your friend's favorite ice cream.

Always,
S (Coconut with almonds and dark chocolate smashed in.)

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Fruit Fly

"Frankly, I’d rather have the titties. And titties scare the crap out of me." - James St. James

I have this acquaintance, I'll call her Kelly, who is about to make a transition from Fag Hag to outright Beard. I haven't met her boyfriend - excuse me, fiancee - but I can tell from the things she's said that he is a raging closet case.

Kelly's always been attracted to guys who tend towards the pink side of the Joto Scale, and I think she's pretty oblivious to the flametasmagoria that is her beau. (The man has a poster of Clay Aiken. . . Hello?)

Let's make one thing clear - Kelly is a certified Wing Nut. Blanche-fuckin'-DuBois. She's the biggest lunatic I know, and if you know my friends. . . She's forever making bad, bad, BAD choices about everything, especially men. She started dating the current one about three days after breaking up with her last fiancee. Of course, she was still imagining that she and her Stalkee, Michael, would be married someday, and was trying to organize a trip out west to get another hookup with someone else. (Yeah, she's a little slutty.)

As far as the "love of her life" is concerned (this is LOHL #6 as best I can tell), she likes 'em to be sensitive, and the newbie fits the bill, and how! Now, there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but ya gotta draw the line somewhere. Having to pull the car to the side of the road because the radio station is playing your girlfriend's favorite song or sobbing in the middle of class because someone said something that reminded you of her is not "sensitive" - it's histrionic. I think what Kelly really likes is drama, and Lord knows about queens and drama. . .

And yet the drama, the hissy fits (he throws tantrums and refuses to speak to her for days at a time), his American Idol fascination - just the tip, baby. The real kicker is is plan for the "Platonic marriage". He's convinced her that he "loves her too much" to treat her as "a sexual object". Mmm, hmmm... Bass-Taping anyone?

All in all, I feel a little bad for the guy - apparently his parents are extreme right-wingers who hate homos more than Jesus hates Satan. When they found out that Kelly was involved with the Gay and Lesbian alliance at school, they informed her that she was not welcome in their home, and their son could marry her, but only if he wanted to be disowned by his family. So, I'm thinking that whether or not he actually is gay, he's gotta be fucked up for sure with that kind of family. Add on top of that marrying nutty Kelly, and he's got one shitter of a life ahead of him.

Fantastically yours,
S

Monday, February 07, 2005

Full body shudder

Images, man... I got images in my head, and they're scarin' the fuck outta me.

JoeToe spent a good chunk of time this morning giving me a very detailed description of how wild his girlfriend got after taking Xanax this weekend. I'm not going to suffer you the details, suffice it to say that the word "erotic" was used on multiple occasions, and that body-movement demonstrations were included.

I ask you gentle reader, did I really need that shit? Jesus Christ, I barely got a cup of coffee down and the first thing I see is JoeToe bumpin' n' grindin'? GODDAMN, somebody up there hates me.

To make it worse (there's always something to make it worse in my world, isn't there?) I was still in shock because of a horrific dream I'd had that morning. In the dream, Cakes and I wandered into this (very red) room to find one of our (current) coworkers on the floor on her (sharp) knees giving the business to a (former) coworker. Shit, what the fuck is wrong with me??



I had a great epiphany today about storage. The more storage space you have, the more shit you buy to fill that space. Less space equals less stuff, isn't it obvious? I'm going to start bricking in my closets tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do with that four-foot high pile of shoes I've got though - maybe I can use them as masonry. (Sometimes I get this idea that the shoes will become a writhing living mass someday, kind of like a footwear-Audrey, and as I open that closet door one last time they'll pull me in with their living laces - their straps and heels digging in so I can't escape. )

Early, early this morning I woke up and said to the alarm clock, "I'll fool you!" and I switched it so the alarm wouldn't go off. (Hence no morning update, as I got to work around 9:45...) I have all sorts of morning-psychoses regarding my clock (it's been a rolltop desk lately) but I've not actually addressed it until this morning. Things can only go downhill from here.

DxB actually called the electric company today about the cracked-out power issues. The guy came to the door and told me that he'd found a problem in the transformer, and that it looked like it might have been overheating and had "kind of caught on fire a little." A little? Well hell, I guess that's better than catching fire a lot? It's kind of like the time we had a power outage in Luling, and this Larry the Cable Guy lookalike from the electric company came out, pointed his flashlight at a smoldering squirrel carcass at the base of our pole and said, "Well, heere's yer problem rite der!"

Always,
S

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Sunrise and Stolidus

This bit of dialogue from the movie Clerks caught my attention the other day:

RANDAL: So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don't have the guts to face change?

DANTE: My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants.

RANDAL: Lovely story.

DANTE: Point is - I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to shit comfortably.


Yeah. That's pretty much Ol' Stolidus in a nutshell.

For Sunrise's sake, I've been trying to be "objective" about the situation, but that only worked for about a day, then I was right back to the hatin' (hence, "Stolidus") His indecisiveness and wishy-washiness are debilitating and he doesn't even realize it! He's just so fearful of everything. The man is not amoeboid, so I know he has a spine. . . perhaps it's made of gelatin?

~S

Saturday, February 05, 2005

How to be an asshole

Well, Shithead refused to sign off on DocD's dissertation. Didn't we all see this coming? Funny how the other five committee members signed it without any problem.

We were all waiting for them to finish the defense and Shithead's wife was saying "Oh, it will be a wonderful opportunity for [DocD] to work in Dr. X's lab. But she's in for quite a shock - a post doc is a different world. So much pressure. Oh, I think she can handle it, but she really has no idea." How in fuck's name would she know? That fucking bimbo's post-doc PI was Shithead - her fucking HUSBAND!! Oh man, she tells everyone what a great "scientist" she is, but really - how serious are people going to be about you if your entire professional experience is being your husband's technician?? She actually told me yesterday that RW (my boss) was "very impressed by her research" while she was at SWT. Funny, when I mentioned her name to RW, he said, "Oh shit... that dumb blonde?" (I'm sure he's just jealous of her shining accomplishments.)

So they had a little reception for her after the defense, and I could tell something was wrong. Shithead acted like everything was fantastic, but the tension between him and DocD was palpable. She told me about the signature thing as the party was breaking up. She hadn't told her husband or her Dad yet - those two guys hate Shithead so much, they may have just killed him on the spot had they known. God, what a piece of crap.

I did finally get to meet DocD's family though. Her little chola sister was there - I've met her before. She's fun, but totally different from DocD though. Her mom was great - the kind of woman who's always smiling and laughing - she puts you in a good mood no matter what. Her Dad cracked me up - he looks like an old hippie (he makes yurts!) but I know he's really conservative... an enigma!!

Friday, February 04, 2005

Rattlin' Bones

Prisoner, choose your manner of death.

I choose. . . Death by Banana.



DxB is following a strange diet indeed. He's eaten nothing but bananas (of course), apples, tuna fish and crackers all week. Sounds relatively healthy, if you disregard the potential for explosive diarrhea. . . Of course there are no limitations on coffee and nicotine.


Always,
Sheila

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Bass Taping for All!

"LIBRA: You've got a lot on your mind now, there's no doubt about that -- but there's more coming, so you'd better clear your plate and make room. Someone extremely different will be along shortly, apparently sent by the universe to wrench you out of anything in your life that even remotely resembles a rut. You, of course, are the very soul of sociability, so you won't mind at all. Your partner, now -- well, they may feel a bit differently about the subject. Be prudent. And patient. "

Soul of sociability?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Words:

Bozone1: the substance surrounding stupid people that keeps bright ideas from penetrating.

Reintarnation1: rebirth of a soul into a hillbilly body.

Republicon: any member of the current presidential cabinet.

Rontanomo2: the lab I work in.

Shamburger: veggie burger.

Spigot: a Hispanic bigot.

Stupoma: a tumor arising from, or causing stupidity.

1thanks Daniel and Stephen:
WoW
2thanks Doug

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday JoeToe spent a good twenty minutes telling me how hot some chem grad student chick was. Maybe I was reading more into it, but I just got the feeling that he was overdoing it - as if he wanted to make sure that I had absolutely no doubt as to whether or not he liked girls. For the record, the girl is okay but definitely not hot, and she's kind of bitchy to boot. In fact, I thought she was a lesbian. Go figure.



Always,
Y.H.A.



Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Unexpected Snails

Batman: What has yellow skin and writes?
Robin: A ballpoint banana!

"A geneticist is always disturbed." - Dr. David Neville

"Let's blow this sausage-fest and hit the international house of tail!" - Quagmire

"That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer!" - Calculon

"Help yourself to a fuckin' science book, 'cause you're talkin' like a fuckin' retard." - S.P. Redneck

"Who would want a bone when you could have candy? - Sean W.

"We used to flush and pray. Now we use Rid-X." - Unknown

"I must say that your laboratory exceeds the limits of man's wildest imagination!" - The Penguin

"If I could get hold of a gun, things would be a lot different around here." - Y.H.A.

"No! I want to live! There's still too many things I don't own!" - Bender

Vamos a jugar por la playa

The fire alarm went off right after I updated this thing yesterday, and of course it was 37 degrees and pouring down rain outside. Everybody was huddled in the breezeway of the building, but the cops made us all move out into the open, and into the elements. Ultimately, I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't want to be standing underneath a burning building, but shit! It's not like the building was actually on fire... if it had been, we'd all have huddled 'round the goddamned thing to keep warm!

I woke up this morning and the electricity was in the shitter again. (DxB apparently has some irrational fear of electricians?? Actually, I don't think he ever believes me when I tell him all the crazy crap the power does at night...) Anyway, there was enough juice for the lights, but all appliances, etc., would just barely work. I tried to use the blow dryer, but it would have been more effective to let the dog pant on my head 'til it was dry. There wasn't even enough power to make a goddamned pop tart!

DxB got up and I heard him using his electric shaver in the bathroom (?!?) Then I noticed that the house had that familiar hum of electricity... The power miraculously righted itself and DxB never even knew what happened. (It's bullshit, I tell you!) I'm telling him what happened and he's looking at me like I'm on crack.


Always,
S

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Cuidado! Vomito de gato.

The autoclave just converted 50 fine, strapping, young centrifuge tubes into an oozing puddle of liquid polypropylene. What a fine way to start the day!

DxB was a victim of drive-by manipulation last night and the perpetrator was his (evil) grandmother.

     Some background: A few years ago, DxB went up to visit his mother and grandmother at their request. Both these women are the worst kind of ultra-right wing conservatives. They are the compliant sheep who listen obediently to FOX "news" and worship every word that falls out of Dubya's monkey lips. (They are especially drawn to the good ol' boy gramatically inept ones.)
     They have an opinion on absolutely everything, and if you and your ideas don't fit the mold you are pretty much useless in their eyes. They consider themselves God-fearing Christians (now that it's fashionable to be such) who harbor unbelievable hatred toward the poor and people they view as "foreigners", and are absolutely without question TERRIFIED of homosexuals.
     They are both out of their small, closed minds, and as soon as he stepped off the plane the insanity began. The first thing his grandmother said to him was, "You don't look like a scientist." I'm not exactly sure what a scientist is supposed to look like, but oh... that was just the tip of the iceberg!
     They accused him of being gay because he has not gotten married nor had any children. (A cardinal sin in their eyes?) This of course, after they told him how "...foreigners are ruining this country" and how "...the mixing of races is going to bring about the downfall of our nation." (Oh, did I mention they were white supremacists??) So I suppose in order to fulfill their marriage and kids dream, first he'd have to ditch me and find some lovely white girl? (Me being the murderous, traitorous, unpatriotic half-jap scum that I am...)
     Then the grandmother took to calling him "Quitter" as a nickname, because he had decided to forego pursuing his PhD to take a job in my lab. (A job which pays him four times what he was making as a student, and has resulted in five publications in one year...)
     Somehow, he escaped without comitting matricide, and has had very minimal contact with them since. He did send Christmas gifts and cards and he called them both during the holidays. They sent him birthday cards in mid-January, but he was reluctant to open them. Finally he relented last night... The card from his mother was normal, but the one from his grandmother had a handwritten note which said:

Dear [DxB],

I hope you have a good birthday.
I am not sure why you no longer want to have any contact with me, I can't imagine what I have done to you. Apparently I have offended you in some way which I don't understand.

Grandma


Is she on CRACK? God. Damn. She only wrote that to make him feel bad so he would jump up and call her, offering profuse ass-licking apologies. And for what?? He did nothing to her - she's the one with all the crazy freakin' ideas.

So, even though it shouldn't, this bothered him and he was up all night brooding about it.

I try not to hate people, but I swear, this woman...

Always,
S