the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

My Photo

like a dripping faucet

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Becoming You

MS told me something today and he made me swear I wouldn't tell ANYBODY. So I'm posting it on the internets.

He was talking about his appearance (as usual) and how he wanted to change his "look". He said he wanted his hair to be black and straight and long in the front...

"Like Clay Aiken's new hair."

What. The. Fork.

Obviously sobriety is affecting MS in strange ways. . .


S (she of straight black hair with long bangs in the front)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I must be happy, he said, it is less pleasant than I should have thought.

I've been working on, or rather trying to work on, or really rather, trying to try to work on a piece that you may or may not get to read here. I'm afraid it's a pretty much direct rip off of Beckett. Okay, maybe not a direct rip off, but it's highly, HIGHLY Beckettsian (?!?). I started it not too long after I watched some performances of Beckett's short plays on the telly - specifically, That Time, and you can really see the influence.

I put a snippet of it up on the TVS a while back - I don't remember what title I used for the post (it was originally Safety and Comfort) or when I put it up, and frankly I'm too apathetic to find it and link to it. I suppose I'll keep hammering on it and see where it goes.

There's another thing - more of a germ of an idea as yet - but I want to work on that too. It's just very hard for me to get out of scientific-journal-article mode and into free-expression-of-ideas mode. Practice is what I need, but boy do I hate practicing. . .

Perhaps I should disconnect the goddamn internets.



Monday, May 29, 2006

Chaos Calling

(I'm going to try to make this the last post on this subject.)

For the umpteenth-thousand time, I've made a decision (which I probably won't stick to.) I don't want to go into the details because you've heard them all before and it'll just make me look like a complete and utter fool, again.

It's very simple, but something is wrong with me and I can't seem to get it through my thick skull. It's just a matter of don't do this, don't do that, don't, don't don't. That's all. I guess I'm lacking in strength a little nowadays. Where is my old mean streak? Have I been broken of it? I need that shit now!

With any luck, in two weeks my mind will be settled. Maybe it will take six months, but either way...

However, I'm not on the good side of Karma - I know it. And as they say, Karma is a Bitch. I wonder what my repayment will be?



Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sunday is Funday

Not a good week.

I did something stupid which will hopefully be inconsequential, but will cause me worries for a while. If it is consequential, expect all hell to break loose.


A friend of mine is in trouble with the law. I really can't imagine this person doing what they have been accused of.

Not to repeat myself, but another friend of mine is in trouble with the law. It's minor trouble, but the (personal political opinion warning!) excessively idiotic drug laws in this state are causing it to be a major headache.


Another friend tested positive for hepatitis C. That's the one that is spread via blood - transfusions, IV drug use, etc. This person received several blood transfusions back in the day, and may have been harboring this virus for years. They are going in next week for a confirmation test and a liver function test. Hopefully there will be no liver disease, and they will be able to manage their condition.


I'm still not sleeping well. I can get to sleep most of the time, but I wake up four or five times during the night and I have a hell of a time getting back to sleep. I'm about at my wits end with this.


As an added bonus, I've been having some very minor yet very irritating pain in my "lady bits" - it's something to do with that damn fibroid I have. It's probably growing to the size of a watermelon as we speak. Great.

So through all this, possibly because of all this, I have been having some hellacious mood swings. One minute I'm fine, then the next minute I am in absolute tears. I guess it's time to go to the doc and say, "Hey, I think I might be going, you know, INSANE. Give me drugs."



Saturday, May 27, 2006

Ass Danger Revisited

Everybody remember this pic from a couple of years ago?

That's my guest bathroom toilet with an "added bonus". Here's a closeup:

I found another one swimming around in the same toilet yesterday. (This was right after I found one nestled between two spoons in the kitchen sink...)

So, I bet you're wondering... "How on earth are you getting scorpions in your toilet, Sheila?"

I was wondering the same thing. I asked DxB about it and he goes, "They fall out of the vent."


He said, "Yeah, they fall out of the vent above and plop right into the commode. I meant to tell you about that."

Okay, first of all THEY ARE FALLING FROM THE CEILING? and secondly, you meant to tell me about it?? Thanks for getting right on top of that.

Now I'm totally terrified of the bathroom. (Not to mention the attic - that place must be chock-full of the little bastards!) I don't know what to do - if you're sitting on the throne and one falls out of that vent there's no place for it to go except right on your head! I mean, I could use the other toilet, but the wax seal on it is messed up and I haven't fixed it yet. But - there's a damn vent above that toilet too.

It totally sucks - I always have to get up to pee like 5.5 million times a night, and I used to never turn on the light, but NOW... I turn on the light and stare at it (the vent is a light/fan/heater combo) for a minute to make sure no creepy crawlies are jumping out. The other night I saw my umbrella sitting next to the door and I thought about opening it up and using it as a scorpion-deflection device...

Oh well...

At least I'm not finding squirrels in the shitter.



Friday, May 26, 2006


Have you ever:

Had a one night stand?
Used LSD?
Stolen something?
Worked at McDonald's?
Cheated on an exam?
Drank so much you passed out?
Taken revenge on someone?
Eaten an entire cake?
Been arrested?
Gotten knocked up/knocked someone up accidentally
Checked into a cheap motel with no luggage?
Run from the cops?
Stolen a friend's significant other?
Had an "inappropriate encounter" in a house of worship?
Stuck a crayon up your nose?
Had an STD?
Been a drug mule?
Used a fake ID?
Said "I love you" when you didn't mean it?
Been nude in public?

Here's my answers (in no particular order):

No, No, No, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, No, No, No, Yes, Yes, No, No, Yes, No, No, No, No.



Thursday, May 25, 2006

Women Are Dangerous

Remember The Odyssey? How long has it been since you read it? Maybe you've never really read it. We've all heard the stories here and there in grade school mythology class - maybe you got a taste of it in high school or even college. It's always been my opinion that it should be read and understood. It's not just some story - it's an archetype for life. Everyone should pay attention to The Odyssey. Especially you dudes. . .

Pallas Athena


Odysseus imprisoned on Calypso's Island

And now, as Dawn rose from her couch beside Tithonus- harbinger of light alike to mortals and immortals- the gods met in council and with them, Zeus the lord of thunder, who is their king. Thereon Athena began to tell them of the many sufferings of Odysseus, for she pitied him away there in the house of the nymph Calypso.

"Father Zeus," said she, "and all you other gods that live in everlasting bliss, I hope there may never be such a thing as a kind and well-disposed ruler any more, nor one who will govern equitably. I hope they will be all henceforth cruel and unjust, for there is not one of his subjects but has forgotten Odysseus, who ruled them as though he were their father. There he is, lying in great pain in an island where dwells the nymph Calypso, who will not let him go; and he cannot get back to his own country, for he can find neither ships nor sailors to take him over the sea. Furthermore, wicked people are now trying to murder his only son Telemachus, who is coming home from Pylos and Lacedaemon, where he has been to see if he can get news of his father.

What, my dear, are you talking about?" replied her father, "did you not send him there yourself, because you thought it would help Ulysses to get home and punish the suitors? Besides, you are perfectly able to protect Telemachus, and to see him safely home again, while the suitors have to come hurry-skurrying back without having killed him.

When he had thus spoken, he said to his son Hermes, "Hermes, you are our messenger, go therefore and tell Calypso we have decreed that poor Odysseus is to return home.

Thus he spoke, and Hermes, guide and guardian, slayer of Argus, did as he was told. He flew and flew over many a weary wave, but when at last he got to the island which was his journey's end, he left the sea and went on by land till he came to the cave where the nymph Calypso lived.

Calypso gave Hermes a seat and said: "Why have you come to see me, Hermes- honoured, and ever welcome- for you do not visit me often? Say what you want; I will do it for be you at once if I can, and if it can be done at all; but come inside, and let me set refreshment before you."
Calypso trembled with rage when she heard this, "You gods," she exclaimed, to be ashamed of yourselves. You are always jealous and hate seeing a goddess take a fancy to a mortal man, and live with him in open matrimony. So when rosy-fingered Dawn made love to Orion, you precious gods were all of you furious till Artemis went and killed him in Ortygia. So again when Demeter fell in love with Iasion, and yielded to him in a thrice ploughed fallow field, Zeus came to hear of it before so long and killed Iasion with his thunder-bolts. And now you are angry with me too because I have a man here. I found the poor creature sitting all alone astride of a keel, for Zeus had struck his ship with lightning and sunk it in mid ocean, so that all his crew were drowned, while he himself was driven by wind and waves on to my island. I got fond of him and cherished him, and had set my heart on making him immortal, so that he should never grow old all his days; still I cannot cross Zeus, nor bring his counsels to nothing; therefore, if he insists upon it, let the man go beyond the seas again; but I cannot send him anywhere myself for I have neither ships nor men who can take him. Nevertheless I will readily give him such advice, in all good faith, as will be likely to bring him safely to his own country.

"Then send him away," said Hermes, "or Zeus will be angry with you and punish you"

On this he took his leave, and Calypso went out to look for Odysseus, for she had heard Zeus' message. She found him sitting upon the beach with his eyes ever filled with tears, and dying of sheer home-sickness; for he had got tired of Calypso, and though he was forced to sleep with her in the cave by night, it was she, not he, that would have it so. As for the day time, he spent it on the rocks and on the sea-shore, weeping, crying aloud for his despair, and always looking out upon the sea. Calypso then went close up to him said:

"My poor fellow, you shall not stay here grieving and fretting your life out any longer. I am going to send you away of my own free will; so go, cut some beams of wood, and make yourself a large raft with an upper deck that it may carry you safely over the sea. I will put bread, wine, and water on board to save you from starving. I will also give you clothes, and will send you a fair wind to take you home, if the gods in heaven so will it- for they know more about these things, and can settle them better than I can.

Odysseus shuddered as he heard her. "Now goddess," he answered, "there is something behind all this; you cannot be really meaning to help me home when you bid me do such a dreadful thing as put to sea on a raft. Not even a well-found ship with a fair wind could venture on such a distant voyage: nothing that you can say or do shall mage me go on board a raft unless you first solemnly swear that you mean me no mischief."

Calypso smiled at this and caressed him with her hand: "You know a great deal," said she, "but you are quite wrong here. May heaven above and earth below be my witnesses, with the waters of the river Styx- and this is the most solemn oath which a blessed god can take- that I mean you no sort of harm, and am only advising you to do exactly what I should do myself in your place. I am dealing with you quite straightforwardly; my heart is not made of iron, and I am very sorry for you."


Odysseus and his men come to Circe's island

When they reached Circe's house they found it built of cut stones, on a site that could be seen from far, in the middle of the forest. There were wild mountain wolves and lions prowling all round it- poor bewitched creatures whom she had tamed by her enchantments and drugged into subjection. They did not attack my men, but wagged their great tails, fawned upon them, and rubbed their noses lovingly against them. As hounds crowd round their master when they see him coming from dinner- for they know he will bring them something- even so did these wolves and lions with their great claws fawn upon my men, but the men were terribly frightened at seeing such strange creatures. Presently they reached the gates of the goddess's house, and as they stood there they could hear Circe within, singing most beautifully as she worked at her loom, making a web so fine, so soft, and of such dazzling colours as no one but a goddess could weave. On this Polites, whom I valued and trusted more than any other of my men, said, 'There is some one inside working at a loom and singing most beautifully; the whole place resounds with it, let us call her and see whether she is woman or goddess.

They called her and she came down, unfastened the door, and bade them enter. They, thinking no evil, followed her, all except Eurylochus, who suspected mischief and stayed outside. When she had got them into her house, she set them upon benches and seats and mixed them a mess with cheese, honey, meal, and Pramnian but she drugged it with wicked poisons to make them forget their homes, and when they had drunk she turned them into pigs by a stroke of her wand, and shut them up in her pigsties. They were like pigs-head, hair, and all, and they grunted just as pigs do; but their senses were the same as before, and they remembered everything.

. . .

Circe, how can you expect me to be friendly with you when you have just been turning all my men into pigs? And now that you have got me here myself, you mean me mischief when you ask me to go to bed with you, and will unman me and make me fit for nothing. I shall certainly not consent to go to bed with you unless you will first take your solemn oath to plot no further harm against me.

So she swore at once as I had told her, and when she had completed her oath then I went to bed with her.
. . .
Circe, no man with any sense of what is right can think of either eating or drinking in your house until you have set his friends free and let him see them. If you want me to eat and drink, you must free my men and bring them to me that I may see them with my own eyes.

When I had said this she went straight through the court with her wand in her hand and opened the pigsty doors. My men came out like so many prime hogs and stood looking at her, but she went about among them and anointed each with a second drug, whereon the bristles that the bad drug had given them fell off, and they became men again, younger than they were before, and much taller and better looking. They knew me at once, seized me each of them by the hand, and wept for joy till the whole house was filled with the sound of their hullabalooing, and Circe herself was so sorry for them that she came up to me and said, 'Ulysses, noble son of Laertes, go back at once to the sea where you have left your ship, and first draw it on to the land. Then, hide all your ship's gear and property in some cave, and come back here with your men.'


Circe sends Odysseus off with advice for the journey

First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens, his wife and children will never welcome him home again, for they sit in a green field and warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. There is a great heap of dead men's bones lying all around, with the flesh still rotting off them. Therefore pass these Sirens by, and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear; but if you like you can listen yourself, for you may get the men to bind you as you stand upright on a cross-piece half way up the mast, and they must lash the rope's ends to the mast itself, that you may have the pleasure of listening. If you beg and pray the men to unloose you, then they must bind you faster.

When your crew have taken you past these Sirens, I cannot give you coherent directions as to which of two courses you are to take; I will lay the two alternatives before you, and you must consider them for yourself. On the one hand there are some overhanging rocks against which the deep blue waves of Amphitrite beat with terrific fury; the blessed gods call these rocks the Wanderers. Here not even a bird may pass, no, not even the timid doves that bring ambrosia to Father Zeus, but the sheer rock always carries off one of them, and Father Zeus has to send another to make up their number; no ship that ever yet came to these rocks has got away again, but the waves and whirlwinds of fire are freighted with wreckage and with the bodies of dead men. The only vessel that ever sailed and got through, was the famous Argo on her way from the house of Aetes, and she too would have gone against these great rocks, only that Hera piloted her past them for the love she bore to Jason.

"'Of these two rocks the one reaches heaven and its peak is lost in a dark cloud. This never leaves it, so that the top is never clear not even in summer and early autumn. No man though he had twenty hands and twenty feet could get a foothold on it and climb it, for it runs sheer up, as smooth as though it had been polished. In the middle of it there is a large cavern, looking West and turned towards Erebus; you must take your ship this way, but the cave is so high up that not even the stoutest archer could send an arrow into it. Inside it Scylla sits and yelps with a voice that you might take to be that of a young hound, but in truth she is a dreadful monster and no one- not even a god- could face her without being terror-struck. She has twelve mis-shapen feet, and six necks of the most prodigious length; and at the end of each neck she has a frightful head with three rows of teeth in each, all set very close together, so that they would crunch any one to death in a moment, and she sits deep within her shady cell thrusting out her heads and peering all round the rock, fishing for dolphins or dogfish or any larger monster that she can catch, of the thousands with which Amphitrite teems. No ship ever yet got past her without losing some men, for she shoots out all her heads at once, and carries off a man in each mouth.

"'You will find the other rocks lie lower, but they are so close together that there is not more than a bowshot between them. [A large fig tree in full leaf grows upon it], and under it lies the sucking whirlpool of Charybdis.

Three times in the day does she vomit forth her waters, and three times she sucks them down again; see that you be not there when she is sucking, for if you are, Poseidon himself could not save you; you must hug the Scylla side and drive ship by as fast as you can, for you had better lose six men than your whole crew.

Any of this sound familiar?



Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Concentrate and ask again

Does anybody know a good fortune teller? Trani and I want to dabble in the darkside and learn our fates - palm reading, tarot cards, crystal balls, whatever. But we need to find just the right person to do it. She (it has to be a woman) should look like this:She should have a vaguely eastern european accent and a name like "Madame Astarte" or "Mistress Esmerelda" (although that sounds a bit more like a dominatrix, but whatever). She should ideally make her prognostications from a tent perfumed with strong incense and festooned with beads and brightly colored fabric. She should have at least three cats (preferably black) running around.

So far, this is what we've found locally: the "Cherokee Palm Reader" off the highway here in San Marcos - but we're not really sure if she's a real Cherokee, so she's kinda iffy; another one off the same highway in Austin is housed in a small brick building covered in neon signs and banners that proclaim "Discount Tarot Readings"; one in New Braunfels (off that highway, as if you had to guess) who divines from a small storage shed made to look like a miniature home; and lastly, possibly our best bet, another in New Braunfels (not off the highway!) who appears to both live in and tell fortunes from a pop-up trailer!

We're just not sure, so we consulted the Online Magic 8 Ball:

Cherokee Palm Reader? "Yes!"
Austin Neon Discount Tarot? "My Sources Say No"
Storage Shed Psychic? "Without a Doubt"
Pop-Up Tent Paranormal? "As I See It, Yes"

That narrows it down to three, I guess. . .

UPDATE: I did some internets research and found an article on the Cherokee Palm Reader. Turns out she is at least part Native American and she comes from a long family line of psychic readers, starting with her grandmother Madame Sophia. The Cherokee Palm Reader's daughter Morningstar runs the storage shed operation in New Braunfels, and her daughter, Sabrina Yellowcorn helps out with the readings.

Until we find a flesh-n-blood medium to help us out, we'll just have to do what we can with the good old computer. . .

We could do the Free Tarot Readings online (here's mine) but that's not as much fun (or possibly as accurate?) as a personal reading.

There's always the good ol' Web Ouija, but I'll tell ya - that thing's kind of freaky and occult-y. Kinda makes me scared. . .

Or maybe Tea Leaves? Here's YHA's reading:

As the steam from the tea evaporates, I see many interesting events in your future! Is the kindness you have shown others about to be returned tenfold? The many triangular shapes present in your cup say it is so.

Closest to the outer edge I see a fork, symbolic of two paths. Soon you may need to make a decision. Choose wisely, using your heart and your head. I also see a vase. A new lover may enter your life. Rejoice! (Rejoice? Shouldn't that say "RUN!!!"?)

Closer to the bottom of the cup I see a broken necklace. It is time for you to move on. Leave the loss and pain of a past romance behind and you will invite new love into your life. I also see a pirate. Plan carefully now to avoid problems later. Watch out -- your gullibility may prove an easy temptation to another. (PIRATE? I'm liking this tea leaf stuff, I'll tell you what!)

All the shapes reveal themselves in a clear clockwise spiral within the cup. Your future is moving quickly toward you. The letter E is apparent at the rim of the cup. A person with this initial is working his or her way toward you. Receive him or her warmly and be happy. (E? Oh, goddammit. Again??)

Isn't it funny how you can see yourself and your situation in almost any "horoscope" or "fortune" you get? I guess that's the beauty (and scam) of it all.



Thursday, May 18, 2006

Girls! Girls! Girls!

As promised, Your Humble Author's Top Ten List Of Chicks I Would Totally Do If I Were Lesbian And A Few Whom I Would Possibly Consider Doing Anyway Even Though I'm Not A Lesbian:

NUMBER 10: Fairuza Balk

Okay, you have to ignore her sort of... enormous mouth and look at those gorgeous eyes of hers. The one thing (that is, besides her gape) that bothers me is that she kind of sort of looks like this loopy chick I used to work who dated a cop and was just plain batshit crazy. . .

NUMBER 9: Gong Li

This Chinese girl I knew once told me that most Chinese thought Gong Li was ugly because she was too fat and didn't fit their standard of beauty. There is obviously something wrong with those people...

NUMBER 8: Christina Ricci

Short, round-faced girls with big eyes? Who can resist them?? (Plus the fact that she reminds me of the always adorable DocD doesn't hurt her standing on the hotties list!)

NUMBER 7 (tie): Rose McGowan/Dita Von Teese

Yeah, I have the same taste in women as Marilyn Manson. What of it??

NUMBER 6: Bettie Page

It's really more about the shoes. . .

NUMBER 5: Salma Hayek

Two words: They're REAL

NUMBER 4: Angelina Jolie

Okay, she's kind of scary and maybe a little freaky, but seriously. . .

NUMBER 3: Aishwarya Rai

If you've never heard of her, she's an Indian Bollywood actress who's been billed as "The Most Beautiful Woman in the World". Can't say as I disagree!

NUMBER 2: Sherilyn Fenn

Ever notice how David Lynch seemed to be obsessed with women who had a deathly pallor to their skin? Can you not say that that pallor is DAMN SEXY though???

NUMBER 1: Jennifer Connelly

My green-eyed fantasy girl. Yep, she's the one. I'd switch teams for her any day. ANY DAY, I tell you!!!


For those of you who might like girls who don't have dark hair... here's DxB's list of hottie chicks:

NICOLE KIDMAN: The young Nicole, before the botox and plastic surgery nightmare began.

DEBORAH HARRY: Remember that time she was on the Muppet Show and she sang One Way Or Another (I'm gonna get ya...) to that big furry monster thing with the huge eyes and eyelashes while chasing him all over the place? That's burned in DxB's memory forever...

POISON IVY RORSCHACH: The red-headed guitar player for The Cramps. Red Headed. Guitar Player. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

BERNADETTE PETERS: I think this was his first crush



Monday, May 15, 2006

Dark and Shady

Last week was almost 100% drama free - hence the lack of posts. But, I sense that the tide will be turning once again this week, and we'll be off on the TVS rollercoaster soon. . .

So, in an effort to keep things around here a bit less emo and a little more fun, I offer you a modified version of the old "Top Ten Bang List". This new and improved version features the top 15 movie characters that your humble author would totally do. Notice I said "characters", not simply "actors". (This can make a big difference.)

As I was making this list, I started to see a kind of theme developing. I think you could actually use this list to possibly explain some of my actions as of late. (Ahem)

Anyway, here they are for your viewing pleasure. (Oh, and for you male readers, my Chick Bang List will be forthcoming!)


Just making the pack and coming in at number 15 we have Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) - Goodfellas. What can I say? Gangsters? Oh Hell Yes!

At Number 14, we have the always suave and slightly mysterious Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in Casablanca. What I liked about Rick was that you were never quite sure if he was really a good guy or not.

My Number 13 will make you think, "Whaaaaa?" Yes, it's Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) - from Reservoir Dogs. I mean seriously, how can you not want a guy named Mister Pink??

Now this one's kind of bizarre, it's Jack Skellington in A Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes, I know he's made of clay. But how can you deny me the King of Halloweentown??????

Number 11 is my second favorite movie hustler (Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy is #1, but he's not very bangable to me...) Mike Waters (River Phoenix) in My Own Private Idaho. I think it's the narcolepsy that did it for me. The fact that he's gay has no relevance whatsoever.

Coming in at Number 10 we have The Kid/Buck (Sam Rockwell) in Box of Moonlight. Did anyone else ever even see this movie? The Kid is just so gloriously weird and innocent - it's pretty damn hot. Plus the fact that he's naked A LOT doesn't hurt.

Another kind of cracked-out choice is my Number 9. Alexander de Large (Malcolm McDowell) in A Clockwork Orange. I'd like to have a bit o' the old "in-out, in-out" with Little Alex, I would.

Number 8 is OBVIOUSLY Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in The Godfather.

At lucky Number 7, I placed heroin-addicted Harry Goldfarb (Jared Leto) from Requiem for a Dream. I would like to point out that a three-way with Harry Goldfarb and Marion Silver (the always sizzling Jennifer Connelly) would be...

Uh, sorry. I was lost in thought there... Here's Harry:

From the WHAT THE FUCK file, it's Number six (six six). Dr. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry) from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'm a sucker for a man in makeup and fishnets, as you all know. Again, the bisexuality just adds to the appeal!

Oh look. It's another gangster in at Number 5. It's the unending hotness of Vincent 'Vinnie' Mancini-Corleone (Andy Garcia) in The Godfather: Part III. Yes, the movie sucked. But Jesus! Just look at his hair!!!!

Oh wait, is this another drug addict here at Number 4? Why yes, it's superstitious Bob (Matt Dillon) from Drugstore Cowboy.

My Number Three is the stylish Sailor Ripley (Nicholas Cage) in Wild at Heart. I don't know if it's the car, the jacket, the boots, or the fact that he's fresh outta jail, but damn.

Ah, Number Two. It's Stanley Kowalski (Marlon Brando) in A Streetcar Named Desire. Holy Sweet Goddamn. His hotness would send me to the nuthouse too! He's like a Greek statue come to life. Look at him! LOOK!!! Oh Man. . . I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!! GOOD GOD! HE CAN'T BE REAL! AND WHEN HE'S DOWN THERE YELLING,

(Hmm. Possibly Mr. Kowalski should be Number 1??)
Okay. Got myself a cold shower and I'm ready to continue with this list.

The Real Number 1. . .

As if you couldn't guess

It's Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) in Pirates of the Caribbean.
(Or PIRATE of the Caribbean as Trani refers to it. . .)

Dirty, scuzzy, mysterious, devious and MOTHER EFFING HOT!!!!!!!

(not to mention the eyeliner. . .)

So there you have it. YHA's Top Fifteen Male Movie Characters Bang List.
Note: There was not ONE incidence of "one-handed typing" during the preparation of this list!



Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Deny Me and Be Doomed

I'm not much for keeping secrets. (Keep that in mind next time you tell me something!) Actually, I'm referring to keeping secrets about myself. It's pretty much all right out there. You've heard all the details, from sordid to downright boring, of just about everything that's happened in the last few years. Of course, there's some stuff that's just too complicated to go into, so no one has a complete picture. I'm the only one who has that. I guess.

You hear me. You want to help. You give me your words, your thoughts. These things mean much more to me than you may realize. I have all these thoughts now inside my head. Thoughts about threads, and winds, and arrows. Favorite shirts, mountains, fires, fear and change.


That is the overwhelming response no matter what the question is.


I've been thinking about Karma a lot. Maybe not Karma by its proper definition, but what I think Karma is. I'm pretty logical and reasonable, but I really believe that some things happen in an almost supernaturalistic way. It's almost as if there is a greater force somewhere who says, "Okay, you little shit, you're getting too cocky. Time to put you in your place." I think you should always try to live and act in such a way that your actions won't come back and bite you in the ass. Of course, it's not always possible to do this, and many, many, many times your butt will be chomped on. I think you should just try to be aware of this, and try to modify your thoughts and acts to limit your future suffering. (Kind of a variation of "you reap what you sow.")


Damn! I'm tired of being serious.

Trani is putting on a show, singing a Rolling Stones tune. . . "you can put me out... on the street. put me out... with no shoes on my feet" I got out my lighter and was like "woooooooooo!!!!" (Yeah, we do this all the time. What of it?)



Monday, May 08, 2006

Her head is in a bitter way. Her brain's on fire.

Run, darling run, I'll save you.
Run from this now 'cause you want to.
Run, darling run, let's say you've
Run from this now 'cause you've got to.

Is this the best policy?

I've been thinking about honesty as it applies to friendships. How much honesty is good, how much is too much? What is the "right" thing to do? (And, who's definition of "right" would you use?) Let's say you have a friend who is exhibiting a delusional attitude about something. If it's a trivial matter, then certainly it might be best to keep your mouth shut. However, if this delusion causes real problems - what do you do? I find that if I say nothing, it's almost as if I am supporting the delusion - agreement by silence, if you will. If I say what's on my mind, I risk pissing the person off. It's hard because anything you say will simply be your own opinion. You can couch it in facts and common sense, but it really comes down to being your take on something.

My thinking is that it is more compassionate in the long run to be honest and tell your friends what you think. However, in the short term, you risk hurting their feelings. The trick is to say what you feel needs to be said without making it seem like an attack on the other person or their beliefs or ideas. That can be difficult, especially if the person is sensitive to such things.

Now, this is not about advice - I know that advice is never heeded, so I quit giving that out long ago. Or rather, I give it out, but I have no expectation of it being followed. No, I'm not talking about advice - more like insight. Sometimes people get so wrapped in their own selves that they cannot see any other path. People tend to start to feel sorry for themselves and try to blame others or milk sympathy out of people. Isn't it better to call them on this rather than just acquiesce?


One stop shopping

There's a block on I35 in Austin that has four shops. (Okay, all four shops aren't exactly on the same block - they are on two adjacent blocks - give me a goddamned break.) Anyway, four shops. The first shop is offers custom embroidery. The second, fly fishing supplies. The third, well, it's not exactly a shop - it's the Crazy Lady. The fourth, right next to the Crazy Lady offers "Affordable Caskets". That's all you need in life right there in that little block, man. Embroidery, fly fishing, strippers and affordable caskets. EVERYTHING. YOU. NEED.



I figured something out. It's one of those classic, "Why the hell?" kind of things that you see all the time (usually in WalMart) but you can't figure out. But I've figured it out! I know the secret. I'm not going to post it here, because it's far too important to display willy-nilly all over the internets. But, if you know the secret handshake, and the secret codeword, I'll share my knowledge with you.


Ich heisse. . .

The other night in Oilcan's there was this creepy straight freak trying to hit on me. He asked my name and the first one that popped into my head was "Angela". (Double A!) That will be more funny to some of you than others.


How do I find these people?

A comparison:

First name starts with an "E"
Heroin addict
Short, skinny, green eyes
Master manipulator
Freaky Catholic upbringing
Wears makeup (never goes out w/o it!)
Has a sugar daddy (real daddy)
Is straight (mostly)
Frequents gay bars
Goes by his middle name in gay bars
My Own Private Idaho - Scott Favor

First name starts with an "E"
Cocaine addict
Short, skinny, green eyes
Master manipulator
Freaky Catholic upbringing
Wears makeup (never goes out w/o it!)
Has a sugar daddy (step daddy)
Is straight (mostly)
Frequents gay bars
Goes by his middle name in gay bars
My Own Private Idaho - Mike Waters




Saturday, May 06, 2006

I dream of fire

Last week was more insane than usual, and that's saying a lot. Of course, it started with "The Episode" with MS, and sort of went downhill from there.

Work was insane. Soduc was totally out of her mind - she started that "butting into other people's business" crap again. There was some very minor issue with feeding of fish, but it was totally resolved between the parties involved - that is, until she stuck her ass in it. Then all hell broke loose. I swear this woman is insane! She continuously makes mountains out of molehills, driving people to the verge of insane rage along the way! By the end of the week, Cakes had been in tears, I was *this close* to resigning, NRA was under the impression that Soduc thought she wasn't working enough, and Trani and Spigot were completely and utterly confused! Fan-freakin'-tastic!

Then there was some major issue between DxB and MaryAchee. Something that started with mineral oil and ended with expletives being shouted. I tried to talk to DxB about this, but he was just enraged and refused to discuss it. Later on, we were able to talk about it a little, but he has some kind of pathological distrust/dislike/whatever for MaryA. She's got the type of personality that just pushes his nuclear button. We'll see what becomes of all that.

And DxB. . . hoo boy. After his fight with MaryA, he printed out all this stuff on bipolar disorder that he wanted me to read. Then he wouldn't let me look at it. Next day, he wanted me to read it, so I did. (Read it too, if you want, Here, Here, Here and Here.) It was mostly stuff I already knew, but there was some good information/advice for family members living with a bipolar person. DxB has been doing a lot of research and is trying to deal with the problem a little better. One good thing is that he's finally understanding how hard it is for me (and everyone else around him) to deal with his constant irritability/anger/intensity. For my part, I have to understand that the irritation and anger is not directed at me, or at anything in particular. It's just free-floating. A lot of the time, it DOES get directed at me, just because I am an easy target. I have to learn to be objective and not take it personally (how come everyone is telling me that lately??) I explained to him how I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and while he did get mad about that, he said he'd try to make things a little easier going. He's trying things like breathing excercises, meditation, and keeping a calendar of how he's feeling. For that part, he wants me to tell him when I observe things like particular body languages which indicate he's getting irritable - setting his jaw, furrowing his brow, dirty looks. I'm a little worried about telling him he's doing those things. I know he'll blow up (see walking on eggshells...) He promised he wouldn't, but I know what will happen.

Even stuff that was supposed to be fun got kind of messed up. Tuesday I went to San Antonio with DocD, her husband (who needs a TVS nickname!) and an old friend of theirs from back home. I was in a pissy mood because of the fish feeding fiasco, so I had not a lot to say. (Hope their friend didn't think I was a tool!) Anyway, it was fun, but freakin' hot, and HeWhoHasNoNicknameYet took a spill on the sidewalk. This would normally be no big deal, except for the fact that the poor guy is dealing with hell-on-earth back pain. Hopefully he didn't injure anything else. Then, on the way home, we noticed that the sky was sort of... BLACK, which is, ya know, not exactly normal. It was hail. Large hail. We were in HeWhoHasNoNicknameYet's new-to-him car - a nice car it is, too. But now I guess it looks like it's got a bad case of cellulite. BAH!

Somewhere in there, HB and I independently bitched out MS for his incredible stupidity. I told him how he scared us, how HB thought he had OD'ed in his bathroom. I was crying while I was telling him this. He got very quiet, and apologized - like really apologized. He said he was really upset, and he didn't care if he died right then. (Is this histrionic or real? I couldn't tell, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.) He said that he wasn't blaming me, but the situation between us made him so angry and confused that he just wanted to forget about it and everything else. He said he was tired and he just wanted to sleep, or somehow get away. I believed this. My friend Emily had been in a very similar situation once and she did exactly the same thing. He told me I was like a mirage, and I told him he was like an oasis with a poisoned spring. (That didn't go over too well.)

More problems... another friend met a person who could possibly become a "significant other". But, there's an issue. I guess you could call it an engineering problem. I really don't know what to say about it. All I could do was offer up scientific facts.

Goddamn drama!



Thursday, May 04, 2006

Small thoughts

Main Entry: cryp·tic
Pronunciation: 'krip-tik
Etymology: Late Latin crypticus, from Greek kryptikos, from kryptos

1 :
2 a : having or seeming to have a hidden or ambiguous meaning : MYSTERIOUS <cryptic messages> b : marked by an often perplexing brevity <cryptic marginal notes>
3 : serving to conceal <cryptic coloration in animals>


I just received a mildly provocative text message from H. My first reaction was "What in the hell?!" I'm trying to craft a reply, but I've never handled flattery well, expecially when it's of an um. . . intimate nature. I'm thinking I'll text him something totally random like: "Sales of aluminum siding have decreased over the past ten years in the southwestern region."


Ah yes, the definition at the top of the post. I have a certain friend who promised that "everything would be explained" if I read such and such a thing at such and such a place. Well, I read that thing in that place and let me tell you. NOTHING was explained! My mind is filled with possibilities and scenarios of what happened!

Still haven't replied to H. Maybe he meant to send that message to someone else. That'd be a fuckin' trip wouldn't it??


Here's one of those ubiquitous blog things that I never do. But it's here now, so I guess I did it. (Existential, man!) Anyway, you put your MP3 player on shuffle and whatever song title comes up, use it to answer the questions that follow. (DON'T CHEAT MOTHERFUCKER!!!) Here are mine:

1. How does the world see me?
I’ll Be Anything You Want

2. Will I have a happy life?
The Recluse

3. What do my friends think of me?
Skin Receiver

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Bend Over, I’ll Drive

5. How can I make myself happy?
Ever Fallen In Love

6. What should I do with my life?

7. Will I ever have children?
I Stay Away

8. What is some good advice for me?
I Need, I Want, I Will

9. How will I be remembered?
Race For The Prize

10. What's my signature dancing song?
All Apologies

11. What's my current theme song?
I’m The Man Who Loves You

12. What do others think is my current theme song?
It's A Disaster

13. What will they play at my funeral?
Is She Weird

14. What type of men do I like?
Mighty Little Man

15. How's my love life?
Love Will Tear Us Apart

Some of those were pretty funny. Especially Number 14.




Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Ah yessss

That's for Trani Vulcani!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Two Mountains

Once upon a time there was a great land. There were two mountains on this land which were separated by the Valley of the Mists. On one mountain lived Lion, and on the other lived Wolf. One day Goat was wandering in the Valley of the Mists and she came upon Lion's mountain. She liked Lion and she liked this place and she decided to stay for a little while. The little while became a very long time, and Goat grew to know every inch of Lion's mountain. She knew where the fresh waters were, she knew where to find food, she knew where there were dangers and where there was safety and comfort. Many, many, many things she knew about this mountain. Lion cared for Goat and Goat cared for Lion, but after a long, long, long time Lion and Goat began to grow weary of each other's company. The mountain itself seemed to lose it's charm, and both Lion and Goat grew bored.

Then one day Rabbit came to Lion's mountain and quickly befriended Lion. Lion and Rabbit were inseparable and Goat felt lonely. Goat wandered around the mountain she'd grown to know so well, and for the first time, she looked beyond the Valley of the Mists and saw Wolf's mountain. Wolf's mountain was very different from Lion's. It was green, lush and beautiful. Goat was intrigued, but frightened of this unknown land.

Now, Goat had grown angry with Lion and with Rabbit, and this anger consumed her and gave her a reckless courage she had never had before. Suddenly one day Goat went down into the Valley of the Mists and up to Wolf's mountain. Goat was overwhelmed by this new place. There were clear running streams, magnificent waterfalls, fruit-laden trees and vines and beautiful creatures everywhere. Suddenly out of the mist of the waterfall, Wolf appeared. Wolf stood before Goat with his arms open, welcoming her to his home. Wolf was handsome and charming, and Goat was taken aback by the lavish praise and attention that Wolf gave her. Still, Goat was frightened, but Wolf eased her fears with his soothing words of love.

At first, life with Wolf was wondrous, much more so than life with Lion. But soon things began to change. Goat learned that the fruits of the trees and vines were poisonous. She learned that the clear streams were full of deadly snakes. She learned that the gorgeous waterfall was nothing but sharp stone crags that would tear any living being who came near it apart. She learned that the beautiful creatures were deadly. Goat thought about leaving Wolf's mountain, but each time she tried, Wolf would lure her back with his sweet talk and flattery. Goat was taken by this every time, and she stayed on in this beautiful but inhospitable land. After a time, Goat grew so hungry and thirsty that even Wolf's declarations of love were not enough. Goat knew she had to leave this place lest she die. Wolf pleaded with Goat to stay, trying his best to find clean water and good food for Goat, but every pot of water he brought to her turned to dust, and every bite of food turned to salt. Wolf cried, for he truly loved Goat, but he knew deep inside that she could not live on his love alone. Wolf was angered by his poisoned land, and he took his anger out on Goat, forcing her off the mountain and back into the Valley of the Mist.

Goat did the only thing she knew how to do, which was to return to Lion's mountain. She found the river, which was clean, and she drank deeply. She found the trees which bore delicous and edible fruit and she ate until she was content. Soon, she noticed that the mountain was strangely quiet. She found Lion sitting alone and asked him where Rabbit was. He told her that Rabbit had hopped away into the Valley of the Mist. Lion asked Goat where she had gone, and she told him of Wolf and his mountain. Goat comforted Lion and Lion comforted Goat like they had in the olden days. Goat looked around Lion's mountain and saw beauty where she had not seen it before. Goat looked at Lion and saw love that she had been overlooking for a long, long, long time. Goat knew this is where she belonged.


It was a very simple question: "Do you want me in your life?"

It was an even simpler answer: "No."



Monday, May 01, 2006

I should have just had a sandwich instead

For some reason, this Dairy Queen sign struck me as kind of funny. . .

I mean, I have NO idea why. . .