the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

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Monday, May 15, 2006

Dark and Shady

Last week was almost 100% drama free - hence the lack of posts. But, I sense that the tide will be turning once again this week, and we'll be off on the TVS rollercoaster soon. . .

So, in an effort to keep things around here a bit less emo and a little more fun, I offer you a modified version of the old "Top Ten Bang List". This new and improved version features the top 15 movie characters that your humble author would totally do. Notice I said "characters", not simply "actors". (This can make a big difference.)

As I was making this list, I started to see a kind of theme developing. I think you could actually use this list to possibly explain some of my actions as of late. (Ahem)

Anyway, here they are for your viewing pleasure. (Oh, and for you male readers, my Chick Bang List will be forthcoming!)

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Just making the pack and coming in at number 15 we have Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) - Goodfellas. What can I say? Gangsters? Oh Hell Yes!






At Number 14, we have the always suave and slightly mysterious Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in Casablanca. What I liked about Rick was that you were never quite sure if he was really a good guy or not.





My Number 13 will make you think, "Whaaaaa?" Yes, it's Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) - from Reservoir Dogs. I mean seriously, how can you not want a guy named Mister Pink??






Now this one's kind of bizarre, it's Jack Skellington in A Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes, I know he's made of clay. But how can you deny me the King of Halloweentown??????






Number 11 is my second favorite movie hustler (Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy is #1, but he's not very bangable to me...) Mike Waters (River Phoenix) in My Own Private Idaho. I think it's the narcolepsy that did it for me. The fact that he's gay has no relevance whatsoever.





Coming in at Number 10 we have The Kid/Buck (Sam Rockwell) in Box of Moonlight. Did anyone else ever even see this movie? The Kid is just so gloriously weird and innocent - it's pretty damn hot. Plus the fact that he's naked A LOT doesn't hurt.




Another kind of cracked-out choice is my Number 9. Alexander de Large (Malcolm McDowell) in A Clockwork Orange. I'd like to have a bit o' the old "in-out, in-out" with Little Alex, I would.





Number 8 is OBVIOUSLY Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in The Godfather.







At lucky Number 7, I placed heroin-addicted Harry Goldfarb (Jared Leto) from Requiem for a Dream. I would like to point out that a three-way with Harry Goldfarb and Marion Silver (the always sizzling Jennifer Connelly) would be...



Uh, sorry. I was lost in thought there... Here's Harry:





From the WHAT THE FUCK file, it's Number six (six six). Dr. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry) from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'm a sucker for a man in makeup and fishnets, as you all know. Again, the bisexuality just adds to the appeal!





Oh look. It's another gangster in at Number 5. It's the unending hotness of Vincent 'Vinnie' Mancini-Corleone (Andy Garcia) in The Godfather: Part III. Yes, the movie sucked. But Jesus! Just look at his hair!!!!




Oh wait, is this another drug addict here at Number 4? Why yes, it's superstitious Bob (Matt Dillon) from Drugstore Cowboy.






My Number Three is the stylish Sailor Ripley (Nicholas Cage) in Wild at Heart. I don't know if it's the car, the jacket, the boots, or the fact that he's fresh outta jail, but damn.





Ah, Number Two. It's Stanley Kowalski (Marlon Brando) in A Streetcar Named Desire. Holy Sweet Goddamn. His hotness would send me to the nuthouse too! He's like a Greek statue come to life. Look at him! LOOK!!! Oh Man. . . I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!! GOOD GOD! HE CAN'T BE REAL! AND WHEN HE'S DOWN THERE YELLING,
"STELLA, STELLAAAAA"
AND HE RIPS HIS SHIRT OFF??? OH MY GOD!!!! AND WHEN HE COMES IN ALL SWEATY AND YOU KNOW JUST HOW HE SMELLS - ALL HOT AND MANLY - JUST LIKE HE BOTTLED SEX AND POURED IT OUT OVER HIS INCREDIBLE BOD ??? HOLY CRAP!!!! I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!! THAT IS PERFECTION IN MAN. PERFECTION I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Hmm. Possibly Mr. Kowalski should be Number 1??)
Okay. Got myself a cold shower and I'm ready to continue with this list.




Alright.
The Real Number 1. . .


As if you couldn't guess






It's Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) in Pirates of the Caribbean.
(Or PIRATE of the Caribbean as Trani refers to it. . .)

Dirty, scuzzy, mysterious, devious and MOTHER EFFING HOT!!!!!!!

(not to mention the eyeliner. . .)






So there you have it. YHA's Top Fifteen Male Movie Characters Bang List.
Note: There was not ONE incidence of "one-handed typing" during the preparation of this list!


Always,

S

3 Comments:

Anonymous trani said...

awesome... you have me wondering about a few of them but excellent. especially numero uno... hottie mchotass....

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Sunrise said...

Number nine I would have a little in and out. Number one- fucking awesome. I do see a theme here.

10:39 PM  
Blogger salvagehoarse said...

Hello S,

I stroll through the blogs to see anything interesting or funny to read. I adore yours!
I just had to say I laughed so hard regarding your descriptions of Mr. Kowalski of number two. I was convinced he's the hottest by all!!! Captain Jack Sparrow is the now take on Mr. Kowalski. You wore yourself out by the time of Captain.
Your tizzy, flaming, hormonal raging, gigantic crush of Mr. Kowalski was stupendous!!! The best hilarious descriptions of Lust I have seen in a long time. I have given this type of descriptions in person. My friend of the moment wanted to medicate or lock me up in solitary.
I'll be your nutcase of the week. If I'm ever feeling the blues, this will cheer me up to no end. I want to feel like this when I'm 60 years old.

Peace

1:27 AM  

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