Concentrate and ask again

Does anybody know a good fortune teller? Trani and I want to dabble in the darkside and learn our fates - palm reading, tarot cards, crystal balls, whatever. But we need to find just the right person to do it. She (it has to be a woman) should look like this:She should have a vaguely eastern european accent and a name like "Madame Astarte" or "Mistress Esmerelda" (although that sounds a bit more like a dominatrix, but whatever). She should ideally make her prognostications from a tent perfumed with strong incense and festooned with beads and brightly colored fabric. She should have at least three cats (preferably black) running around.

So far, this is what we've found locally: the "Cherokee Palm Reader" off the highway here in San Marcos - but we're not really sure if she's a real Cherokee, so she's kinda iffy; another one off the same highway in Austin is housed in a small brick building covered in neon signs and banners that proclaim "Discount Tarot Readings"; one in New Braunfels (off that highway, as if you had to guess) who divines from a small storage shed made to look like a miniature home; and lastly, possibly our best bet, another in New Braunfels (not off the highway!) who appears to both live in and tell fortunes from a pop-up trailer!

We're just not sure, so we consulted the Online Magic 8 Ball:

Cherokee Palm Reader? "Yes!"
Austin Neon Discount Tarot? "My Sources Say No"
Storage Shed Psychic? "Without a Doubt"
Pop-Up Tent Paranormal? "As I See It, Yes"

That narrows it down to three, I guess. . .

UPDATE: I did some internets research and found an article on the Cherokee Palm Reader. Turns out she is at least part Native American and she comes from a long family line of psychic readers, starting with her grandmother Madame Sophia. The Cherokee Palm Reader's daughter Morningstar runs the storage shed operation in New Braunfels, and her daughter, Sabrina Yellowcorn helps out with the readings.

Until we find a flesh-n-blood medium to help us out, we'll just have to do what we can with the good old computer. . .

We could do the Free Tarot Readings online (here's mine) but that's not as much fun (or possibly as accurate?) as a personal reading.


There's always the good ol' Web Ouija, but I'll tell ya - that thing's kind of freaky and occult-y. Kinda makes me scared. . .


Or maybe Tea Leaves? Here's YHA's reading:

As the steam from the tea evaporates, I see many interesting events in your future! Is the kindness you have shown others about to be returned tenfold? The many triangular shapes present in your cup say it is so.

Closest to the outer edge I see a fork, symbolic of two paths. Soon you may need to make a decision. Choose wisely, using your heart and your head. I also see a vase. A new lover may enter your life. Rejoice! (Rejoice? Shouldn't that say "RUN!!!"?)

Closer to the bottom of the cup I see a broken necklace. It is time for you to move on. Leave the loss and pain of a past romance behind and you will invite new love into your life. I also see a pirate. Plan carefully now to avoid problems later. Watch out -- your gullibility may prove an easy temptation to another. (PIRATE? I'm liking this tea leaf stuff, I'll tell you what!)

All the shapes reveal themselves in a clear clockwise spiral within the cup. Your future is moving quickly toward you. The letter E is apparent at the rim of the cup. A person with this initial is working his or her way toward you. Receive him or her warmly and be happy. (E? Oh, goddammit. Again??)

Isn't it funny how you can see yourself and your situation in almost any "horoscope" or "fortune" you get? I guess that's the beauty (and scam) of it all.


Always,

S