And so it was in the land of Saint Mark

1.1 And so it came to pass that a darkness came upon the acolyte Sheila who abideth in the land of Saint Mark.

1.2 For the acolyte Sheila did alloweth her faith to dwindle, whereupon she was overtaken by Satan, who did covereth her with the vile curse of bad punctuation.

1.3 A starry email which madeth no sense foretold Laura the Apostle of the plight of the acolyte Sheila, and she set forth to the land of Saint Mark.

1.4 And when did arriveth, she saw there was great consternation and much gnashing of teeth, for the acolyte Sheila was strongly afflicted with the curse.

1.5 And the Apostle Laura did guide Sheila from the land of darkness to the Word, and to the Light that is holiness, the INTERNET.

1.6 And there did the acolyte Sheila summon the holiest of holy search engines, the mighty Google. And she did summon the power of the Google which did searcheth the ends of the earth for "english grammar".

1.7 And lo, the heavens gave way and the mighty INTERNET heard the call of the acolyte Sheila, and did provide her with a holy link which she did clicketh.

1.8 And at once, the acolyte Sheila did find the gospel of The American Heritage Book of English Usage, and she did taketh from her purse the holy Mastercard, which she did use to purchaseth the Gospel from powells.com.

1.9 And at once did the Apostle Laura knoweth that the curse would be lifted away on high from the acolyte Sheila.

1.10 And yea, there was much rejoicing throughout the land. No longer would the Prophet Douglas of Nashville and the Prophet Peter of Los Angeles suffereth the pains of the unhallowed dash and ellipsis.

1.11 So sayeth the Apostle Laura.