Hot girls, cold beer
We got a new grad student (Bunny) in the lab back at the beginning of the summer and we love her. She's really cool, and fits in perfectly around this place. What makes her exceptionally kick-ass is the fact that she does roller derby!! She's been trying to get us to come out, so I bought some tickets for the last game of the regular season on Sunday. Bunny commanded me to cheer for her team, the Hell Marys, and to wear the team colors. Now, you don't say no to a rollergirl, unless you want an ass-kickin', so I was all decked out in red, black, and plaid on Sunday evening. (My plaid T.U.K. shoes were a big hit with the girls on her team!)
The night started a little weird, as I've come to expect. We wanted to catch an early dinner, and DocD picked out an Italian restaurant close to the skating venue - citysearch gave it high marks, and it looked like a winner, so we headed off for pasta heaven. But when we got there, the nicely carved wooden door was locked shut - not so much just locked shut, but rather chained shut with an industrial-strength bicycle lock. Hmmm... Guess we'll go someplace else.
We eventually ate (Mexican food) and met up with the rest of our party who were already waiting in line at the roller rink. Smurfette wanted to sit on the floor - right up there in the action - but I think the rest of us were kind of scared of the rollergirls, so we opted for some seats on the sidelines. The place had kind of a crazy circus feel to it. The crowd was an eclectic mix of punks, families, white trash, hard-core dykes, regular joes, and rollergirl groupies with a few skeevy-old-men types thrown in for good measure.
The beer of choice for almost everyone in the crowd was Lone Star (in cans.) I didn't even know they still made Lone Star... The snack bar had slushies and something called "Tube Nuts" which we were too scared to order. And let's not forget the nachos - those great high-school-football-game nachos with the fluorescent orange "cheese"...
Okay, enough about the snack bar.
A couple of fun punk bands, the Teenage Harlets and the Teenage Bottle Rockets (no relation) started things off and paved the way for the halftime band - the fantastic Groovy Ghoulies. After the music, it was time for the Penalty Princess to choose a SWAT team. For a buck, you get your name in a hat, and if the Princess calls you, you get to sit with nine other lucky SOB's and administer spankings to the bad, bad rollergirls who get sent to the penalty box during the match.
That done, the first matchup got underway, and it was the Hotrod Honeys versus the Hustlers. Now, I don't know who had better athletes, but I think the Hustlers had hotter chicks. DxB and DocD both got some sneaky feelings for the Hustlers' Rosie Cheeks (who I just found out is a molecular biologist by day - yay science girls!) It took a while for us to figure out what the hell was going on, but we had a great time anyway. Smurfette was about to turn inside out she was having so much fun! Everytime a fight would break out between the rollergirls (and fight they did!), Smurfette was on her feet, yelling and whoopin' it up! Man, she was awesome-crazy about that shit!!
The next matchup was our beloved Hell Marys versus the undefeated Honkeytonk Heartbreakers. Bunny was getting tossed all over the place by the Honkeytonk amazons, but she'd just jump up and get right back in it - no fear, man. As DocD said, you gotta watch out for those small girls, cause they're meaner than hell and crazy to boot! At one point, a fight pr something happened, and Bunny was a bad liddle wabbit, and got sent to SWAT team for her punishment. She showed everyone what she was made of by going back down the line for a second set of spankings much to the crowd's delight.
In the end, our Evil Sisters of No Mercy got crucified by the Honkeytonk Honeys, and there was much sorrow - well, not really, 'cause everybody was full of LoneStar and nacho cheese and you can't be sad when you got cheap beer and prefab food in ya!
Overall, I give the evening five stars!
Always,
S
The night started a little weird, as I've come to expect. We wanted to catch an early dinner, and DocD picked out an Italian restaurant close to the skating venue - citysearch gave it high marks, and it looked like a winner, so we headed off for pasta heaven. But when we got there, the nicely carved wooden door was locked shut - not so much just locked shut, but rather chained shut with an industrial-strength bicycle lock. Hmmm... Guess we'll go someplace else.
We eventually ate (Mexican food) and met up with the rest of our party who were already waiting in line at the roller rink. Smurfette wanted to sit on the floor - right up there in the action - but I think the rest of us were kind of scared of the rollergirls, so we opted for some seats on the sidelines. The place had kind of a crazy circus feel to it. The crowd was an eclectic mix of punks, families, white trash, hard-core dykes, regular joes, and rollergirl groupies with a few skeevy-old-men types thrown in for good measure.
The beer of choice for almost everyone in the crowd was Lone Star (in cans.) I didn't even know they still made Lone Star... The snack bar had slushies and something called "Tube Nuts" which we were too scared to order. And let's not forget the nachos - those great high-school-football-game nachos with the fluorescent orange "cheese"...
Okay, enough about the snack bar.
A couple of fun punk bands, the Teenage Harlets and the Teenage Bottle Rockets (no relation) started things off and paved the way for the halftime band - the fantastic Groovy Ghoulies. After the music, it was time for the Penalty Princess to choose a SWAT team. For a buck, you get your name in a hat, and if the Princess calls you, you get to sit with nine other lucky SOB's and administer spankings to the bad, bad rollergirls who get sent to the penalty box during the match.
That done, the first matchup got underway, and it was the Hotrod Honeys versus the Hustlers. Now, I don't know who had better athletes, but I think the Hustlers had hotter chicks. DxB and DocD both got some sneaky feelings for the Hustlers' Rosie Cheeks (who I just found out is a molecular biologist by day - yay science girls!) It took a while for us to figure out what the hell was going on, but we had a great time anyway. Smurfette was about to turn inside out she was having so much fun! Everytime a fight would break out between the rollergirls (and fight they did!), Smurfette was on her feet, yelling and whoopin' it up! Man, she was awesome-crazy about that shit!!
The next matchup was our beloved Hell Marys versus the undefeated Honkeytonk Heartbreakers. Bunny was getting tossed all over the place by the Honkeytonk amazons, but she'd just jump up and get right back in it - no fear, man. As DocD said, you gotta watch out for those small girls, cause they're meaner than hell and crazy to boot! At one point, a fight pr something happened, and Bunny was a bad liddle wabbit, and got sent to SWAT team for her punishment. She showed everyone what she was made of by going back down the line for a second set of spankings much to the crowd's delight.
In the end, our Evil Sisters of No Mercy got crucified by the Honkeytonk Honeys, and there was much sorrow - well, not really, 'cause everybody was full of LoneStar and nacho cheese and you can't be sad when you got cheap beer and prefab food in ya!
Overall, I give the evening five stars!
Always,
S
posted by your humble author | 1:26 PM
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