God told me to skin you alive
And your weekly installment of: TALES FROM THE GROCERY CART:
SUPER SIZE ME
This guy has to be one of the largest people I've ever seen! The pic doesn't really do him justice - I tried to get a shot where there was a cart or some kind of reference point, but I didn't want to make it obvious that I was snapping his pic. He was pretty fat, but not terribly, terribly so - he had no trouble at all walking around - he was just an enormous guy! You can see that he's taller than the top shelf at the store... he must've been at least 7' tall! Wow!!
CADILLAC DANGER
This happened at the mall, not at the grocery store, but I'm putting it here anyway. (As to why I was at the mall - one word, my friends: SHOES.)
I was walking through the parking lot to get to Foley's and I was almost there, when suddenly, BUMP! I was HIT! Some 963 year old woman in a white Caddy just threw it in reverse and backed into me. I instinctively slammed my fist on the car (after I had jumped out of the way, of course) and yelled, "HEY!" Another man was walking just behind me, and she almost hit him too, and he also pounded on her car and started yelling at her. Either the bat was deaf, or she thought she was being attacked by mall hoodlums(?) 'cause she didn't stop, she just kept on backing up!
And it's not like she couldn't have seen us, she just absolutely did not look before popping in into reverse and hitting the gas. There were several people in the parking lot, it being a Saturday afternoon and all. Thank the gods it was two adults she tried to cream - if there had been kids there... jebus! Think of what could have happened!
MONEY SHOT?
Our grocery store also sells gas, so I almost always stop to fill up after getting my shopping done. I was standing there, cramming my key under the gas tank cover to try and pry it off (love nissan, love it!) and I saw a San Marcos cop pull over a pair on a motorcycle. It was one of those "Frat-Boy Bikes" - it was decorated with purple and neon green splash motifs and looked like something from a bad Saturday morning cartoon. Anyway, the dude got off the bike, ane was talking to the cop. The second person riding with him was obviously a female - she had one of those exaggerated Barbie figures - humongous titties and a teeny-tiny waist and butt. She had a helmet on which she removed while the cop was talking to FratBoy. (Cue do-waka-waka music.) She unbuckled the helmet setting free and enormous mass of whore-blond extension-crazy locks. She shook her head to get the tousle of her 'do just right, and I thought - good lord - are they filming a porno right here? I thought for sure that this was where the cop got a "special treat" so that the boyfriend didn't get a ticket... Much to the diappointment of us onlookers, that did NOT happen. Oh well...
Always,
S
SUPER SIZE ME
This guy has to be one of the largest people I've ever seen! The pic doesn't really do him justice - I tried to get a shot where there was a cart or some kind of reference point, but I didn't want to make it obvious that I was snapping his pic. He was pretty fat, but not terribly, terribly so - he had no trouble at all walking around - he was just an enormous guy! You can see that he's taller than the top shelf at the store... he must've been at least 7' tall! Wow!!
CADILLAC DANGER
This happened at the mall, not at the grocery store, but I'm putting it here anyway. (As to why I was at the mall - one word, my friends: SHOES.)
I was walking through the parking lot to get to Foley's and I was almost there, when suddenly, BUMP! I was HIT! Some 963 year old woman in a white Caddy just threw it in reverse and backed into me. I instinctively slammed my fist on the car (after I had jumped out of the way, of course) and yelled, "HEY!" Another man was walking just behind me, and she almost hit him too, and he also pounded on her car and started yelling at her. Either the bat was deaf, or she thought she was being attacked by mall hoodlums(?) 'cause she didn't stop, she just kept on backing up!
And it's not like she couldn't have seen us, she just absolutely did not look before popping in into reverse and hitting the gas. There were several people in the parking lot, it being a Saturday afternoon and all. Thank the gods it was two adults she tried to cream - if there had been kids there... jebus! Think of what could have happened!
MONEY SHOT?
Our grocery store also sells gas, so I almost always stop to fill up after getting my shopping done. I was standing there, cramming my key under the gas tank cover to try and pry it off (love nissan, love it!) and I saw a San Marcos cop pull over a pair on a motorcycle. It was one of those "Frat-Boy Bikes" - it was decorated with purple and neon green splash motifs and looked like something from a bad Saturday morning cartoon. Anyway, the dude got off the bike, ane was talking to the cop. The second person riding with him was obviously a female - she had one of those exaggerated Barbie figures - humongous titties and a teeny-tiny waist and butt. She had a helmet on which she removed while the cop was talking to FratBoy. (Cue do-waka-waka music.) She unbuckled the helmet setting free and enormous mass of whore-blond extension-crazy locks. She shook her head to get the tousle of her 'do just right, and I thought - good lord - are they filming a porno right here? I thought for sure that this was where the cop got a "special treat" so that the boyfriend didn't get a ticket... Much to the diappointment of us onlookers, that did NOT happen. Oh well...
Always,
S
posted by your humble author | 9:47 AM
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