the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

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Monday, August 15, 2005

Sibyl's Insidious Plot

I just took a Benadyl, so I have about 35 minutes to get this post typed before I faceplant on the keyboard.



A while back, Sunrise and I came to the conclusion that people -mainly females - with names that start with an "A" are fucked up in some way, shape, or form. This hypothesis was independently confirmed (well, not confirmed, let's say supported) by Okashii and DocD.

Our original thought was that only two "A" names (you know what they are...) were particularly problematic. However, upon further research, we have found that almost without exception, ALL A's are insane.

Anecdote the first: Double A-dude anecdote. There are a couple of dude A's I know who "gots some problems." The first, well, you've seen in this blog what's happened to him. Poor guy's been more a victim than an instigator. The other one, good ol' creepy Spigot... What're you supposed to think about a 36-year old dude who hits on 19 year old girls??

Anecdote Two: In my previous incarnation as an analytical chemist in Houston, I worked with a woman named Amanda. She was the accountant at the company I worked at, had a son about my age, and on the surface seemed to be perfectly normal. However, as I got to know her, the real story started to come clear. Amanda was about 50 and had been married several times. When I met her, she was on her sixth, and unfortunately, her husband died unexpectedly. Within six months, she had met and married number seven.

Anecdote Numero Tres: Sunrise has another Amanda - married to a fucking drug-addled freak - divorced said drug-addled freak when he went to prison - got back together with "reformed" drug-addled freak.

Anecdote Four: If you ask a woman you have been romantically involved with to live in your home, that woman will not decide to run off to a foreign country with another dude. Unless her name is Amanda. If her name is Amanda, she will do this, and will expect you to be okay with it. (She'll also invite her arsonist brother over to stay at your place while you are gone on a business trip. But it's okay, because the only thing he burned was a few of his girlfriend's mother's paintings...)

Five Golden Anecdotes: Amanda T. was someone I worked with during my stint in Hell. Also in our lab was a grad student, Porn-Loving Doofus. P-L Doof was dating a lovely Lebanese girl - a girl who had followed his skinny and useless ass to Austin from the Land of Entrapment - and they were engaged to be married. The Lebanese girl worked in another lab, and Amanda had a project which required them to work directly together. They became fast friends, until...
I don't know the full story, but somewhere in there, P-L Doof and the Lebanese girl were no more, and before you could say "homewrecker", Amanda was with Doof. (Fear and loathing were HIGH among the former dwellers of Hell when we found out.)

The Sixth Anecdote: This one is an "A" double team. You've heard the story of Gherkin and Cakes. (And you know Cakes is an "A"). Of course, you can't have another woman unless there is an initial woman, and that woman, Gherkin's fiancee, was named... (can't you guess?) Amanda. Gherkin must have some sort of special A-bane that allowed him to come outta that one alive - God knows I wouldn't want to dare mixing two A's - the risk is just too great!

Sieben Anecdote: Cunt. Licking. Whore.

Anecdote two times four: I had a friend, Amy, back in my Houston days, who fell madly, crazy, head over heels in love with another friend of mine. Unfortunately for Amy my friend, her dream husband, was gay, gay, GAY. Oh, so very gay. I knew Amy because I worked with her mother, and when Mom told me how nuts her daughter was for my flaming friend I didn't know what to do. I ended up telling her Mom the truth, and she asked me if I would break the news to Miss A. I did, and boy, did that not go well. It finally came down to the guy having to show her pictures of him and his boyfriend to convince her.

Anecdote IX: A name that shall not be mentioned in the DocD household... A girl's name, three letters, starts with an A, ends with a Y, has a consonant in the middle.

Ten Little Anecdotes: Cakes. 'Nuff said.

Bonus Anecdote: DxB's crazy motherfucking dog Annabelle. Goddamn FREAK that dog is!

See what I mean? (I wonder if other people have similar ideas about us L's, S's, and D's??)



One of my favorite things to do while bored to tears is scroll through Blogger. Wade through the random ad-blogs, the stuff in foreign languages, and the drivel (TheVeiledSibyl averts her gaze...) and you will occasionally find something great.


(Ha - you thought you were gonna get some links, didn't you? Well, there's NO LINKS FOR YOU!)

Um, anyway, Blogger's a dry well, etc., etc. The only thing I found that was even remotely amusing was this passage from Kristen from Texas' blog. (If you couldn't figure it out, Kristen is a Christian homemaker/wife/mother.)

"I am about to go completely stark raving mad over the gas prices in Dallas (I know they are high everywhere in the country). It has reached to $2.59 a gallon here in north Dallas. Am I the only one that is confused about why they are so high right now? I mean I really don't get it. What I do know is that Kevin is speaking now of "budget talks" because we had not factored in spending so much more money on gas when we last did our budget. I am telling you that if a high gas price hinders my need (yes, I said need) to shop for clothes at the Baby Gap, I seriously might go mental! I have been looking up our congressmen's names & addresses so I can write letters to them explaining my frustration over this. I never thought I would be considering voting Democrat next time...ugh!"


Ugh indeed...



Anonymous sunrise said...

We want links!!!!

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, about people that start with "A".
What about ALEX????
I love you!

2:33 PM  

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