the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

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like a dripping faucet

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Unemployment Day 9 - Another "AMF" on the Horizon

Adios, MOTHER FUCKERS (ver 3.0)

Three cheers for Trani! She got a new job today!!!! Thank the GODS - now she will be able to leave Hell behind her! She is leaving science for a while, which is probably a good thing. Burnout is a bitch. Well wishes and good luck go out to her!


There's no "I" in CLUSTERFUCK

I just got some weird news about my health insurance. Seems the policy which was supposed to be good until September 30th, was cancelled before I even left my job. Even odder, it was "retroactively" cancelled - the date the insurance company told me it was canceled was well before my last date on the job. In fact, I looked at my records, and I got a prescription filled (which the insurance covered) back then, but now the insurance company says I was NOT covered during that time. Then they looked into it further and found that there was a discrepancy between the "main" system and the "local" system (whatever that means) with the main system showing me as being covered, and the local showing me cancelled. (What in the holy hell?) The insurance rep said that he showed that additional paperwork which changed my coverage date had been submitted after I left the job and signed all the stuff that said my benefits would last until the 30th. That's fishy, ain't it?? Hopefully this is all a typical State mistake... If not... Oh boy.


I can be the girl you want, but you can't be the man I need

My call from yesterday has not been repeated. I think I am thankful for that, but I'm not sure. You probably wonder why I go on and on about this. Believe me, I wonder that too. There has been so much emotion, so many tears, so damned much energy spent on this - is it really worth all that?

I think it is. And I know you probably will disagree. But here's my thoughts on it, for what they are worth.

Despite all the insanities, there is something about the two of us that really clicks - like those freaking e-harmony commercials - that's us. It's not just physical - that flame burns out rather quickly. In fact, after I put an end to that stuff, we just got closer and closer. (That's when the trouble starts, you know - when you become friends.) I think most of the time that I bemoaned this doomed thing was when I would wish, wish, wish that he was "better".

One time he told me he knew he wasn't good enough for me. I half-heartedly said "No, no..." full-well knowing it was true. And he knew it was true too. But he thinks that to be "good enough" he has to drive a great car, have a big house on the lake, have a 300K a year job, be buff and tan and perfectly attired. He's completely missing the point. I don't want any of that. What I'd want is for him to be clean and sober, responsible, honest, have a job (any job!), and stop depending on the handouts of others. Of course, those things, which come so easy to most of us, seem to him as impossible as having the multimillion dollar lake house with a Lamborghini in the driveway.

He's always telling me that he wants to be "normal". I've heard that from him time and time again. But you know the one thing I've NEVER heard? "I want to be normal, and I will work as hard as I can to be that way."

That one sentence, genuinely spoken, would change everything. But I know I'll never hear it. And so this thing is as it is, as it will be always.





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