the veiled sibyl

I have heard and said more inanities, since you took me in tow, than in all the rest of my life.

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like a dripping faucet

Monday, November 15, 2004

The master plan

Rules of Conduct.

1. If you want it done one way, don't tell me to do it another way. Do not ask "who told you to do it that way" when you know damn well that you told me to do it that way.

2. Do not come up to me while I am in the middle of something and ask me to write out a step-by-step plan of your entire graduate research project. Especially avoid this behavior if I have no idea what your project is. Please realize that I can't do a step-by-step outline of what I'm going to do in the next 15 minutes, much less figure out what you are going to do for the next 2 years.

3. Do not plagiarize published papers verbatim. If you must plagiarize something that I wrote, please have the intelligence not to ask me to edit "your" writing. When I tell you to rewrite the plagiarized work, do not ignore me and take "your" work to the boss for editing. This is especially important to remember if some of the paragraphs you copied were originally written by him.

4. If I tell you that I want to purchase something, and ask for a quote, please give me a quote. Do not ask me if I'm serious... I'm not frigging Bruce and Harriet Nyborg - I don't like talking to salesmen.

5. Do not tell me to tell a salesman that I am serious, and ride my ass about getting a quote, then change your mind about the whole thing the day before the quote comes in.

6. Do not tell me sixteen times a day that you can write better software for X than so-and-so. I don't care. If you can do it, fantastic. Do it. Talking about it doesn't help me.

7. Try to keep your imagination under control. Words like Boston, Maryland, and California are common and are generally free of ulterior motives. Likewise, certain names are common among the population, and are frequently used. In a related note, please remember that some names are also nouns (like heater). If you overhear me talking with someone else, try to eavesdrop enough to get the jist of the conversation rather than making an assumption. More than likely I'm just talking about water.

8. If someone asks you if you would like to go to Italy for a conference, don't say no. If the same person asks if you think I would like to go, consult me, do NOT say no for me.

9. If I tell you my contract doesn't cover repairs, believe me. If you think I am wrong, please check on it before you start the repairs. If I ask you three times if you are sure that the contract covers the repairs you have already started, please be sure that the contract covers the repairs you have already started. Do not come up to me 10 minutes after I asked you repeatedly if the contract covers the repairs and say, "Oh, it looks like your contract doesn't cover the repairs."

10. Have a wonderful day.


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